Protected: Takeaways from “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life” by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD

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A brand that positions itself as the hero is destined to lose

In “Building a Story Brand – Clarify Your Message So Customers Will Listen,” Donald Miller shares the very important, but easy to miss, distinction between heroes and guides. I’ll start off by sharing a story about a company that positioned itself as the hero and failed. Then I’ll talk about how customers are turned off by brands that position themselves as the hero and why. Then I’ll finish by sharing how you can position yourself as a guide instead of a hero.

On March 30, 2015, Jay Z launched the streaming music service Tidal. Tidal differentiated itself from Spotify by stating that the musicians gained a larger share of the revenue from plays on the service. Music super stars Usher, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Madonna, Deadmau5, Kanye West, Jason Aldean, Jack White, Daft Punk, Beyonce and Win Butler joined Jay Z at the press event to announce the service.

At the press conference Jay Z said,

“People are not respecting the music, and devaluing what it really means. People really feel like music is free, but will pay $6 for water. You can drink water free out of the tap and it’s good water. But they’re okay paying for it. It’s just the mindset right now.” – Jay Z

So what happened?

“The crucial mistake: Jay Z failed to answer the one question lingering in the subconscious of every hero customer. How are you helping me win the day? Tidal existed to help the artist win the day, not customers. And so it failed.” – Donald Miller

Making a fine point even finer, Miller states:

“Customers don’t generally care about your story; they care about their own.” – Donald Miller

He goes on to say,

“When we position our customer as the hero and ourselves as the guide, we will be recognized as a trusted resource to help them overcome their challenges.” – Donald Miller

Are you positioning your company or service as the hero? Cut it out. Instead, position yourself as the guide.

“When giving a speech, position yourself as Yoda and your audience as Luke Skywalker. It’s a small but powerful shift that honors the journey of the audience and positions us as a leader providing wisdom, products, and services our audience needs in order to thrive.” – Donald Miller

Why is it so bad to position yourself as the hero? Why do people react so poorly to it? Maybe they see your message as humble bragging? Maybe it turns people off.

“When a brand comes along and positions itself as the hero, customers remain distant. They hear us talking about how great our business is and start wondering if we’re competing with them for scarce resources. Their subconscious thought pattern goes like this: This is another hero, like me. I wish I had more time to hear their story, but right now I’m busy looking for a guide.” – Donald Miller

So how do you position yourself as the guide rather than a hero? Stop tooting your own horn! Instead of talking about how great a company, person, or hero you are, talk about how much your guidance has helped and aided the fights of other heroes. Showcase your successes as a guide and leave the ego medals at home.

“A brand that positions itself as the hero is destined to lose.” – Donald Miller

In the next post I’ll discuss how important stories are to win customers. Contact me if you have any questions.

The slippery slope from bullshit jobs to company failure

Today I’ll be posting on the book “The Wealth of Humans” by Ryan Avent. I’d like to discuss how work serves a purpose. When there are too many workers companies create bullshit jobs. When their jobs are bullshit people lose their sense of identity. When people lose their identities they stop contributing to the creative juices that produce the company’s culture. Once the free sharing of information stops the company is toast.

Work is not just work.

“Work is not just the means by which we obtain the resources needed to put food on the table. It is also a source of personal identity. It helps give structure to our days and our lives. It offers the possibility of personal fulfillment that comes from being of use to others, and it is the critical part of the glue that holds society together and smooths its operation. Over the last generation, work has become ever less effective at performing these roles. That, in turn, has placed pressure on government services and budgets, contributing to a more poisonous and less generous politics. Meanwhile the march of technological progress continues, adding to the strain.” – Ryan Avent

Bullshit jobs don’t provide the same sense of personal identity, structure to our days and lives, and the possibility of personal fulfillment to others that real work provides. What happens when work works?

“When work works, we understood, it provides a basis for a stable social order. It gives people something to do. It gives workers the sense that they are contributing to society and to the welfare of their families. It allocates income in a way that – if not always seen by everyone as just – is accepted by most as a valid basis for the distribution of resources. It encourages people to seek out the things at which they are comparatively good and to develop those skills. It makes the world go.” – Ryan Avent

So what starts the decline from true work to bullshit jobs?

“When things are abundant, they are used carelessly. When water is plentiful, people leave taps running and irrigate massive, thirsty lawns hours after a rainstorm. When labour is plentiful, three workers pour the tea. If labour abundance is dramatic enough and prolonged enough, then the entire structure of an economy can warp, at first putting people to work doing low value kinds of tasks.” – Ryan Avent

Who does this harm? Who does this benefit? Perhaps the idea of a bullshit job is that it does not have any function or meaning. It’s just a means to occupy and employee’s time.

“The way that information flows within firms is hugely important to a company’s performance. The ways that workers talk to each other, or decide what kinds of information to pass along to their bosses, make the difference between success and failure.” – Ryan Avent

It’s up to the culture of the workplace to keep the information passed along. Knowing everything that’s happening from the top level down allows the culture to build up and to support the needs of the people working there.

“Part of what makes the firm’s information processing machinery work is the knowledge contained within every worker’s head: the culture of the firm.” – Ryan Avent

More about the flow of information.

“Knowing what information matters and what to do with it is the difference between a wildly profitable company and a bankrupt one.” – Ryan Avent

In summary, information needs to flow freely in all successful companies. Once the information stops flowing, inefficiencies multiply and communication is stifled. Once communication is stifled workers begin checking out of work, bosses assign meaningless work and the company fails.

Have you seen this happen first-hand? Contact me, I’d love to hear how you dealt with it.

If you want to know, ask rather than guess

I’d like to start off with the assumption from the end of this book that there is no reliable way to read people and infer their opinion. In fact, Nicholas Epley states exactly that in his book “Mindwise: Why we Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel and Want.”

In this blog post I’ll explain just how to go about getting the other person’s perspective. Then I’d like to talk about how ineffective our ways of asking questions are.

A School of Life video talks about how we could remove so much of our anxiety about getting things wrong if we were only to ask instead of infer about the other person’s state of mind.

According to Alain de Botton from the School of Life, we would only be able to talk once we had summarized the other person’s point until we got it right by them.

First let’s talk about getting a perspective. Why is it important? You need perspective to discover new things. If we see correctly we will spend less time ruminating about what we thought we saw, how we should have been treated, and what we could do next time so we don’t allow ourselves to get into a yet another situation like this. Any thinking and preparing for the next time we encounter this person will be better because we have thought this through again and again and again.

But sometimes rumination feels productive. Like we’re never going to get ourselves in this situation again. But I believe that rumination is not worth the time and energy to bolster your defenses against this kind of brash talk from a friend, reprimand from a superior, or faux pas at a dinner party.

Instead of learning to dodge the bullets, learn why the bullets are being fired in the first place.

You need to get out of your head and gain some perspective by diving into the others’ head. Epley describes the goal of writing this book as, “to improve your psychological vision.”

“In each of us there is another whom we do not know.” – Jung

But we do know ourselves don’t we? Do we know ourselves? How can we expect to know others if we don’t know ourselves. Our understanding should sit on a bedrock of truth.

“The only true voyage of discovery, the only fountain of Eternal Youth, would be not to visit strange lands but to possess other eyes, to behold the universe through the eyes of another.” – Proust

So if we do not know ourselves, how do we expect to know the minds of others? I’d like to highlight some of the mistakes we make when we try to learn the minds of others.

“Understanding other people requires getting their perspective and then verifying that you’ve understood it correctly.” – Nicholas Epley

This is exactly what de Botton is suggesting – that necessary extra step to verify that we’ve understood correctly. Can you think of anything that would get in the way of our asking?

“Our most common mistakes come from excessive egocentrism, over-reliance on stereotypes, and an all too easy assumption that others minds match their actions.” – Nicholas Epley

And when we fail to take the time to see things from the point of view of others we get into trouble. If we abstain for too long, we may start developing bad stereotypes about the person we are trying to understand.

“Failing to engage your ability to reason about the mind of another person not only leads to indifference about others, it can also lead to the sense that others are relatively mindless.” – Nicholas Epley

Now that we know where the potential landmines are, let’s learn the minds of others in a context that helps us survive longer and with less headache. We need to work smart, not hard.

“They found that those who could only see the storyteller were significantly less accurate than those who could only hear the storyteller. That is, emotions were carried primarily on the speaker’s voice.” – Nicholas Epley

If you’re interested in really understanding the other person, pay attention to their voice.

“You get your PhD in mind reading , according to Darwin, by learning to compare what a person shows quickly with what they say slowly.” – Nicholas Epley

In “The Secrets of Consulting,” Gerald Wineberg advises consultants to do something similar. He cautions us to “make sure the music matches what is being played.”

“Knowing other’s minds requires asking and listening, not just reading and guessing.” – Nicholas Epley

The shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line.

“It may seem like cheating to ask your spouse what he or she thinks instead of guessing at the answer, but remember that life is not an in-class exam with an honor code. If you want to know, ask rather than guess. Spouses understand each other when they are willing to share their thoughts openly and verify that they’ve heard correctly.” – Nicholas Epley

I’ll say it again because it bears repeating, “If you want to know, ask rather than guess.”

“The relatively slow work of getting a person’s perspective is the way you understand them accurately, and the way you solve their problems most effectively.” – Nicholas Epley

Epley suggests taking a breather before you reprimand someone. By empathizing with a colleague, you’d be able to know that it’s better to let them have some time to see the problem clearly before you punish them for it.

“The main reason people lie is to avoid being punished, and so enabling people to give you their perspective requires putting them in a context that diminishes the fear of punishment. A very clever experiment by one group of researchers showed that people were more wiling to admit to having done something immoral when confronted a few minutes after the event – when their fear has subsided a bit – than when questioned immediately after the incident.” – Nicholas Epley

Finally, a sense of humility is required. This brings new meaning to the phrase, “Keep your head down and do the work.”

“Knowing the limits of our brain’s social sense does not always mean that we can overcome them to understand others better. Sometimes a sense of humility is the best our wise minds can offer, recognizing that there’s more to the mind of another person than we may ever imagine.” – Nicholas Epley

So now that you’ve read the pro-tips let’s summarize what I said earlier in this blog post:

  1. You will make mistakes
  2. You need to ask instead of infer
  3. Know your own limitations and leverage your strengths to learn more before you react.
  4. If you want to know, ask rather than guess

Did this write up help you in learning to read the minds of others more clearly? Contact me and let me know.